A Very Yuugiou Passover
by JudyNFran
Summary: Yuugiou cast has to go to a Passover Seder for a school project. [Yuugi, Yami Yuugi, Anzu, Honda, Jounouchi, Kaiba, Bakura & Yami Bakura]


Jounouchi scowled as he sat down at the strangely (in his mind) set up table. "Why in heck do we have to do this again?" he asked Honda as he eyeballed the unfamiliar characters on the book before him.  
  
"School project. We get to go to church for Easter next Sunday too," the brunet replied, looking just as uncomfortable.  
  
Jounouchi swore under his breath. "But that still doesn't explain why ~they're~ here," he commented, jabbing his thumb over at where Yami Bakura was sitting, looking amused at the large amount of space between his chair and Bakura's and an empty space to the other side as he smirked at Yami Yuugi who was sitting across from him between Yuugi and Anzu.  
  
"Hey, this is a humor fic," Honda responded with a shrug. "What do you expect?"  
  
"Script format and random Anzu bashing," Jounouchi replied, rolling his eyes. "Hey, does this mean I can throw these eggs at Kaiba then?" he asked, perking up as he reached for the plate of hard boiled eggs.  
  
His hand was smacked away by the middle aged woman sitting near the head of the table. "Those are for later," she said, moving them away from him.  
  
Jounouchi scowled at the event hostess and went back to sulking.   
  
"Mou, Jounouchi-kun," Bakura smiled at his friend. "It's not so bad, and besides, there's a feast afterwards."   
  
"That's the only reason he's here," Anzu commented with a smirk. "Besides, the best way to learn about a culture is to experience a major holiday from it."  
  
"If we're all ready now?" the bearded man at the head of the table said pointedly. "Who wants grape juice, who wants the sickeningly sweet stuff, and who wants the good stuff?" he asked, already pouring himself white wine. The hostess opened the sweet red wine, looking around to see who wanted it while she poured her own.  
  
Honda and Yuugi opened the grape juice, and Kaiba waited for the host to finish with the good wine.  
  
"Do you think it's a good idea for him to be having wine, Bakura?" Jounouchi asked in a quiet voice as Yami Bakura filled his cup to the brim with the red wine.  
  
The paler boy gave his yami a nervous look as he poured himself a small amount of grape juice before handing the bottle back to Jounouchi. "If his tolerance level is anything like mine... not at all, but I really can't stop him..."  
  
Once everyone had poured a drink, the host turned to page four in his book and read out a prayer in Hebrew. The hostess followed it up in the English translation, then read the longer prayer following it. "You can drink now," she said at the end, taking a small sip of her wine.  
  
There was a loud exclamation as Yami Bakura's wine was spit back out in disgust, half of it managing to hit Yami Yuugi in the face. The former thief king grabbed Bakura's glass from him and quickly drained the grape juice, making a face.   
  
"Go clean that up," the hostess ordered in a Mom the Enforcer tone. "And give your brother his glass back."  
  
Yami Yuugi looked at the liquid spotting his clothing and glared at Yami Bakura.  
  
Anzu took her napkin and began cleaning the sprayed wine off the former Pharaoh while Yami Bakura glared at the hostess in challenge. After a moment of returned glare, the white haired boy muttered darkly under his breath and roughly plunked the glass down in front of Bakura before grabbing a handful of napkins and getting up, glaring at the snickering group.  
  
Bakura stared in amazement before looking over at the hostess with a near worshiping expression.   
  
The hostess nodded in satisfaction. While all the cleaning was going on, the host went into the kitchen and washed his hands. When Jounouchi wondered aloud why, Honda pointed to the note on handwashing in the book they had been handed. Once everyone was seated and dry-ish again, the seder continued with a prayer for vegetables.  
  
"This is the bread of affliction that our fathers ate in the land of Egypt," the host followed with, starting the next paragraph, uncovering a plate of flat, cardboard looking matzah.  
  
Jounouchi stared at the plate. "I'd feel afflicted if I was forced to eat this," he muttered, resisting the urge to poke at the flat bread.  
  
"Don't worry, you will be," the host said evenly, not looking up from his book.  
  
"Anzu," Yami Yuugi whispered as the host finished the paragraph. "I never forced anyone to eat that, did I?"  
  
Anzu gave the former pharaoh a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'm sure you never would have done anything like this."  
  
He looked relieved.  
  
"Which one of you is the youngest?" the hostess asked.  
  
Everyone looked at Yuugi.  
  
"Hey!" he protested. "Just 'cause I'm short doesn't mean I'm the youngest! Anzu's younger than me!"  
  
"And I'm older then Yuugi and Honda's younger then me, but older the Anzu," Jounouchi pointed out. "And I think we can successfully rule those two out," he nodded to Yami Yuugi and Yami Bakura. "So it's either Anzu, Bakura or Kaiba." He turned to Kaiba with a cocky smirk.   
  
Before he could address the taller boy, Bakura interrupted him. "It's okay, Jounouchi-kun. I'll read the youngest part," he smiled before placing his finger on the line in the Hebrew section of the book and reading it near perfectly.  
  
The hosts smiled happily at his recitation while everyone else looked at him in shock.  
  
Bakura looked up with a small embarrassed smile. "Tousan sometimes studies Jewish artifacts so I learned how to read Hebew when the museum sponsored a class on it..." he trailed off, hiding behind his book in self conscious embarrassment.  
  
The host began the section titled "The Answer," and read about being slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, much to Yami Yuugi's discomfort.  
  
Honda, skimming ahead in the text noticed the next section. "There's a rabbi named Jose?" he exclaimed, drawing stares from around the table.  
  
"It's pronounced 'yo-say,'" the hostess explained, and the host continued reading.  
  
A short while later Jounouchi looked utterly confused. "Did they just spend ten minutes arguing over how many days 'ALL' means?"  
  
"I think so," Yuugi replied, peering at the words as if that would make it make more sense.   
  
"The Torah speaks of four children: One is wise, one is contrary, one is simple and one does not even know how to ask a question," the hostess continued, picking up as her husband left off. She went on to explain how to talk to each son as they ask about the holiday. Once she finished, she turned to Yami Bakura. "Would you like to read a paragraph or two?"  
  
Yami Bakura gave a snort. "He can read," he jabbed a thumb at Bakura. "Wake me when the slaves revolt and kill the Pharaoh," he added with a pointed look at Yami Yuugi.  
  
"That's not for a few pages yet," the host said, looking at Bakura. "You don't have to read," he told the pale boy.  
  
"I don't mind," Bakura smiled, looking relieved that his yami had skipped reading.  
  
"Sheesh, do these people agree on anything?" Jounouchi muttered as Bakura read. "You'd think this thing was written in code or something..."  
  
After a few paragraphs, Honda was asked to read. "And he went to Egypt and dwelled there, a handful, few in number. There he became a nation - great and mighty and numerous.   
  
"And he went to Egypt. Why did he go to Egypt?"  
  
"Lower taxes!" Yuugi cracked.  
  
Yami Bakura snorted, rolling his eyes while Anzu smiled at Yuugi.  
  
Honda picked up the reading again, and read for another page before Jounouchi was asked to read.  
  
"And we cried out to the Eternal, the God of our fathers, and the Lord heard our voice and saw our suffering, our labor and our oppression," Jounouchi read, stumbling through the paragraphs as quickly as possible until he got to the end, "I have seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them."  
  
"And I have seen the redundancy with which the bible is redundant," Kaiba spoke up drily from across the table.  
  
Jounouchi glared at Kaiba while the rest of the group stared in wonder. "Kaiba-kun cracked a joke!" Anzu exclaimed in wonder as Bakura hid his laugh behind his hand.  
  
"Yeah, when it was MY turn to read!" Jounouchi grumbled.  
  
Trying to relieve the tension between the two, Yuugi read without interruption for several paragraphs and then let Yami Yuugi take over.  
  
"And with signs," this refers to the rod of Moses, as it is said: 'Take into your hand this rod with which you shall perform the signs.'"  
  
Honda tried to hide his laugh behind his hands.  
  
Yami Bakura sniggered openly, near leering at Yami Yuugi. "Jerking off in the Pharaoh's direction, eh?" he said bluntly.  
  
Anzu glared darkly at the Ring's spirit.  
  
Yami Yuugi glared in return and continued reading, starting to stutter as he got to the part about the plagues that Egypt suffered.  
  
Yami Bakura chuckled darkly. "Here, let me take over," he said smoothly, eyes glittering darkly before reading off the plagues with great relish, enjoying Yami Yuugi's discomfort. "... Slaying of the first born, swarms of killer bees, infestation of cockroaches, the dead rising from their graves, Zork returning to smite--"  
  
"Ah! Just read what's on the page, please," the hostess interrupted.  
  
"Now now," the host added. "Video games didn't start destroying civilizations until much more recently."  
  
Yami Bakura looked at the host strangely.  
  
"So wait, why are we spilling this wine anyway?" Jounouchi interrupted. "I thought we were suppose to be drinking it?"  
  
"To show that we aren't TOO happy they're all dead," the hostess told him. She nodded to Anzu to continue reading.  
  
"Rabbi Jose the Galilean said"  
  
"There's that Spanish guy again," Jounouchi commented, sounding bored.  
  
Anzu glared at him before resuming her reading.  
  
"The magicians said to Pharaoh `This is the finger of God."  
  
"And we all know which finger THAT was," Yami Bakura added in with a smirk.  
  
Honda and Yuugi cracked up with laughter, while Yami Yuugi started to look uncomfortable again as Anzu continued reading and plagues piled on plagues to eventually reach a grand total of 250.  
  
"You know, I'm liking these people more and more," Yami Bakura chuckled. "250 plagues, all because the Pharaoh was an ass," he smirked, looking pointedly at Yami Yuugi.  
  
Yami Yuugi shifted in his seat. "It wasn't me!" he protested. "Anzu said so!"  
  
Yami Bakura cackled. "And how does she know?" he countered. "Funny how this Pharaoh doesn't seem to have a name, eh, Yuugi?"   
  
Yami Yuugi fidgeted again.  
  
The host continued, explaining the reason for several of the things on the table, then got up and washed his hands again.  
  
"Again?" Jounouchi asked.  
  
The hostess shrugged and passed out small pieces of matzah and horseradish. When the host got back they said a few prayers and ate them.  
  
"It's like... toasted cardboard," Jounouchi observed. "How did they not die living off this stuff?"  
  
"It's not all they had," the hostess said with a laugh. "They just didn't have time for bread to rise. Try it with some charoseth. My daughters made it." She passed him a container with a spread that smelled like apples and wine.  
  
"Oatmeal...?" Jounouchi asked in disbelief.  
  
"More like a nut meal," Bakura explained as his yami ignored them all in favor of rereading the part about the plagues and cackling quietly. "It's rather good if you like apples and nuts."  
  
"I'd think you'd have to be nuts to eat this stuff for a week," Honda commented with a grin.  
  
At that point, the hostess came in with a few bowls. "Who wants hard boiled eggs?" she asked. "I've also got gefilte fish and chopped liver." She handed one of the bowls to Yami Bakura and the others to Anzu. "Pass these around while I get the salad."  
  
Yami Bakura sniffed experimentally at the fish and then gagged, shoving the bowl to his more polite mirror. "Plague 192," he decided.  
  
The host laughed, helping himself to some of the food in the other bowls before Anzu passed them, and taking the salad from his wife. "Come sit and eat a while, Sharon. We have all this before the soup."  
  
"So that's it?" Jounouchi asked in between eggs.   
  
"Oh, there's more later. Washing dishes, singing songs, eating more food. Washing THOSE dishes. And the afikomen, of course," the hostess said, taking a bite of a piece of fish.  
  
"A fee what now?" Jounouchi repeated. "What's that?"  
  
"Ritual slaughter of the first born," Yami Bakura answered in a matter of fact voice, eyeing Yami Yuugi.  
  
The spirit of the Puzzle's eyes widened.  
  
"No," the host answered. "If we did that every year we'd run out of children very quickly."  
  
"The afikomen," the hostess explained, "Is the piece of matzah that was broken off earlier. After dinner is over you have to look for it and whoever finds it first gets to ransom it back to end the seder."  
  
"That's if I feel like buying it," the host said.  
  
"You will," his wife answered, giving him a look.  
  
"Hey cool, so we get money?" Jounouchi perked up.  
  
"Yes, but it's never very much. I think the current going rate for an afikomen is $10."  
  
"I thought it was $5," the host protested.  
  
"Yes, but these aren't our children, so we have to give them more."  
  
"What if I find it first?"  
  
Yami Bakura reached over to his host and pulled out the Sennen Ring, ignoring Bakura's protestations. He gave a smirk as one of the pendants began to glow, pointing to the kitchen.   
  
"Hey! No fair cheating!" Jounouchi exclaimed.  
  
Yami Bakura just smirked.  
  
"Not until after dinner," the hostess said in no uncertain terms. "However, if you want to go into the kitchen, you can start washing dishes." She got up and started collecting the dishes. "Soup's coming out next. Anyone especially not want something in their soup?"  
  
Bakura yanked the Ring back from his yami before getting up to help with the dishes as the soup was served.  
  
Jounouchi blinked as the bowl was placed before him. "What's that thing?" he asked, poking his spoon at the large off-white ball in the bowl.  
  
"That's a matzah ball. Try it."  
  
Jounouchi poked at it again. "If that's the ball, I'm not even gonna ask where THAT came from," he commented pointing to the flat bread.  
  
The hostess shook her head, handing out more bowls of soup. "And there's more coming out when this is done, so don't get too full."  
  
Kaiba twitched slightly. "How long is this going to take? Haven't we eaten enough?"  
  
"We haven't gotten to the main courses yet."  
  
"And you haven't even eaten more then a thumb sized piece of cardboard, Kaiba," Jounouchi pointed out, still poking at he Matzah ball.  
  
"What does it matter? We got the cultural part already, didn't we?"  
  
"Oh no. Jewish culture is as much about the food as the ceremonies around it," the host explained.  
  
"So we're finally getting to the good part, right?" Jounouchi grinned.  
  
"Personally, I think the plagues was the good part," Yami Bakura commented smugly.  
  
"You watch it or I'm going to ram plague 192 down your throat," Anzu threatened, holding up the bowl of gefilte fish menacingly.  
  
The host laughed. "Plague number 192 isn't as bad as you think it is. It just takes some getting used to." He took the bowl from Anzu and put it aside.  
  
After dinner ended, the dishes were washed, and they had opened the door and sung a song so that some long dead prophet could come in and drink their wine, it was time to try and find the elusive afikomen.  
  
Instantly, Yami Yuugi and Yami Bakura rose to their feet, the air of a challenge between them as Jounouchi hurried to get a head start.  
  
Once everyone had begun searching high and low, Kaiba rose from his seat. Barely paying attention to the others, he reached behind a picture on the wall and pulled out a napkin wrapped piece of matzah. He handed it to the host and walked away.  
  
"He didn't want the money," the man commented. "Very nice of him."  
  
"KAIBAA!" Jounouchi ranted, fuming.  
  
"...." Yami Bakura scowled a moment before turning to Yami Yuugi with a smirk. "You lost," he taunted.  
  
"So did you," the ex-Pharaoh replied.  
  
"So?" Yami Bakura retorted. "Plague # 87: the Pharaoh never winning another game," he grinned before cackling.  
  
Yami Yuugi glared and said a hurried thanks to the hosts before propelling Yami Bakura out of the house to beat him up.  
  
--  
  
Two cameo OCs. Judy's parents. :) Cause someone needed to host the seder. This just kinda nagged me at the 2nd seder and demanded to be written. :) So I asked Juchan to help since she knows the jewish stuff better then I, as she was raised it. And this is more or less [minus the YY vs YB ness] how a seder at Juchan's parents house goes. XD 


End file.
